... except maybe not quite so PRETTY-PRETTY--shiny! flamey! glittery! goldy!--PRETTY-GASPY-PRETTY--
hey, now--
OUCH. Maybe. That whole sorta-Capa scene.
Hate to admit it, but we really kinda enjoyed this one. (And
Death Race, too. Paul W.S. Anderson may be making trash-- but it's well-shot, well-edited trash. Yay!)
I thought Michelle had a much better part here than she had in
Mummy 3. Her scenes with Vin were very well done-- I think you could kinda see he was a little in awe, and it raised his game-- AND she got to do some major butt-kicking.
The submarine rising through the ice is my favorite F/X shot of the year. The last year, too. Eat your heart out,
Dark Kniggit. (When someone can tell me what happened-- REALLY-- after Batman and Rachel fell [at what looked to be terminal velocity, no less] onto that car, leaving Harvey in the hidey-hole and Alfred to deal with the Joker and his goons at the penthouse party, then I might stop thinking that THAT qualifies as the largest, most dimwitted plothole-- no, make that the largest, most dimwitted MOVIE-- of the entire summer. [And thus I again douse myself in unpopular opinion and go down in flames. Ah, well, I love the smell of napalm in the morning....])
Re: Mark Strong's Babylon A.D. toupee. A special report.(I think it went kinda like this:)
VIN: I'm the star. I get the chrome dome.
MARK: I don't get it. I'm not just fearing your pectorals here, Vin: I'm honestly curious. Why can't we BOTH be bald?
VIN: I'm. The star.
MARK: And I'm the patient, long-suffering, gangly British character actor with the soulful brown eyes, right--?
VIN: You're saying
my brown eyes aren't soulful--?
MARK: No--
VIN: -- 'cause if you ARE saying that, I got a whole list of other patient, long-suffering, gangly British character actors right here--
MARK: -- what I
am saying is that I come by my dome naturally. You
shave yours, Vin. Look--
VIN: Stop ticklin' my head, man. I mean it.
MARK: -- that's
stubble. [PATS OWN NOGGIN] You see any stubble up here--?
VIN: I'm not ticklin' your head, man.
MARK: I'm not asking you to tickle my head. I'm just trying to show you that I'm naturally, uh--
VIN: Bald?
MARK: Um--
VIN: A big ol' cueball? Smooth as a baby's bottom?
MARK: That's pretty much--
VIN: Top-of-the-Chrysler Building? Catchin' a shine? Ooh, check the
reflection--
MARK: YES.
VIN: I'm the star. You get the toupee.
MARK: Fine. [grumbling] As long as Michelle doesn't kick my a[ss], too....
VIN: Whazzat, man--? You want a little ass-kicking, courtesy of Ms. Yeoh--? 'Cause we can
do that--
MARK: No. That-- that's fine. I'll just go see what the guys in hair 'n' makeup have handy--
VIN: [waving over MICHELLE, who's at the SNACK VAN explaining FULL-CONTACT PILATES to A RANDOM CRAFT SERVICES GUY] Yo, Michelle!
MICHELLE: [coming over] Hey, Vin. Hey, sissy-boy. What's up?
VIN: Think Marky here wants some ass-kicking.
MICHELLE: Right now, or in the script?
VIN: He won't wear a toupee.
MARK: I never said I wouldn't--
MICHELLE: You let Danny Boyle wrap you in plastic bacon from head to foot, and you won't wear a rug now?
MARK: Michelle, that's really--
VIN: They wrapped you in
bacon--?
MARK: No-- I mean, it kind of
looked like bacon, but--
VIN: Was everyone on the set goin', "Mmm-mmm! I smell
bacon--!"--?
MARK: No--! Well--
MICHELLE: They were. Everyone except for--
MARK: -- Cillian, wasn't it--?
MICHELLE: Yeah. He kept saying, "I smell Boca burgers."
MARK: I thought he was high. All those fumes from the latex-- [whispers] Can I die now? Please...?
MICHELLE: Do you want me to kick your ass first?
MARK: No. Thanks, Michelle. I'll just, umm-- I'll go get a--
VIN: You go visit the rug doctors, man. We'll wait right here.
AND SO, MARK visits THE RUG DOCTORS. Who have on hand no TOUPEE except the ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A LIGER GOT CAUGHT IN A BLENDER. Which we will forgive, because MARK gets to put a STOCKING CAP over it about seventy percent of the time, and HIS EYES are VERY BROWN and SOULFUL, and he has a VERY NICE BIT OF BACKSTORY with VIN. And a SUBMARINE rises up through the ICE. Which is the BEST F/X SHOT OF THE SUMMER.
And MICHELLE doesn't kick his ASS. Again.
Though something BAD happens to MARK anyway. Poor MARK.
[End special report re: Mark's toupee.]